hauntings

dreams of him makes me wake up with tears. i don't want to know what it means, i just wish i didn't dream of him. it hurts every time. i cry every time. however, it all boils down to, i'm happy i can see him in my dreams, it's the only time i can see him. it's the only time i can have interaction with him. when i do see him in my dreams, it's so haunting. like, he's trying to tell me something but he can't. i wish i could understand. but even with all these mixed emotions, i'm reminded of why i'm without a friend and why i'm in the situation i'm at. i feel like i can't keep it all together anymore. i feel weak, dumb and stupid. like a fool. maybe i am and i need to stop trying to pretend strong.