too much

maybe i am doing way too much, or you just aren't seeing things they way i want you to.  everything i do i do with a purpose.  maybe i am just a broad that just fucked up in the head.  i don't know how i can deal with this anymore.  i want to just give it all up.  walk away from it all and just disappear.  there's so many things that i can't explain why i feel the way i do.  and if i could explain it, i would.  no one seems to understand.  i'm tired of hiding it, tired of masking it, tired of trying to forget it.  i want to forget it all.  just lose it all.  but i still want it all.  this isn't me.  this is not who i am.  i'm stronger than this.  why am i so weak.  it hurts too much to even think about anything at all anymore.  my head hurts, my heart hurts my soul hurts my body hurts.  everything hurts.  i don't know what to think anymore.  with that smile on my face is what i'll keep wearing.  he doesn't know.  and if he does, he sure is acting like he don't see it.  but whatever.  we just gonna keep it as it is.  walls are getting higher and thicker.