argh

i suppose i've officially rendered weak.  i can't accept anything for what they are.  i think i'm being lied to.  but then again, i don't care anymore.  i'm just so off of my own self that i can't clearly think.  how did become who i am today?  i'm not this weak, i'm suppose to be the strong one for all my babes.  i'm suppose to be the one that holds everyone up, to see them off, to make sure they are comfortable, to make sure that they are alright and to make sure that they always have someone to lean on when they need it.  and now, i feel like i need someone.  i don't like feeling like this...and lord help me.  i think i just need to be alone...i don't like being alone...being alone makes me think too much.  and i'm sure of it; thinking will be the death of me.  but i think i want a new chapter in my life.  one that i'm not ready to face and confront.  i'm afraid, scared, terrified, alone, and confused.  i'm just not happy anymore.  after all this time spent and all this effort, a part of me wants to just lose it all and start fresh and new somewhere else where no one knows me.  is it wrong for me to want all that?  i think it is.  i think it's very selfish of me.  not to consider anyone's thoughts, feelings, opinion and love.  who am i?