alone

what good am i to you if i'm just here alone. never seem to get your attention. and when i finally do it just seems like it's half of it. how am i suppose to be a good person if you cease to even see what i'm trying to do for you. my feelings being pushed away further and further away. i don't know how to communicate with you any more. i'm just tired of trying to explain everything. time is of the essence. why do i feel like i'm fighting to even have an ounce of time with you. how can i compete? if anything, i have always competed with everything thing and every one in your walking life. all my friends are shit. i can't even find a decent person to hold a decent conversation with or to even do normal things that don't involved alcohol. i just want a normal life when i have a wonderful boyfriend who is in tune with my feelings instead of me just doing everything for him. it's a give and take relationship. i just feel like you don't even care, or notice that i don't feel appreciated at all. all the little things i do, is over looked. is there a night where i can just spend it with you? i guess shit like this don't exist anymore. there are only lies that we tell one another. laying in bed side by side with a stranger we don't know anymore. eating with someone just so we aren't alone. hold hands because it's suppose to be the right thing to do. saying "i love you" because that's what people who've been together as long as we have are suppose to do. i've pretty much given up on us. i don't know how much longer i can keep on trying. i'm just sick of coming in second. if you want to know the truth, you were never second, you made yourself second.