dreams

as of late, you've been appearing my in dreams.  is it because i miss you?  is it because i hate you?  i'm not sure what it is.  but in my dream, i'm still not speaking to you, nore do i want to be in the same room.  but as stubborn as i am, i won't leave and allow you to have the satifaction of me bowing down.  i don't want this to last forever.  i want this to be okay between us.  i guess i'm still very hurt for what happened between us.  and i don't know how to shake if off.  maybe the closure i thought i go was good enought wasn't.  i mean, there are days where i spend just thinking about how you are.  how work is if you even work.  how school is.  how your love life is.  if you are hurting.  if you are stressed.  if you are even thinking of me, or even missing me.  and i guess what also hurted more, was the fact that i probably was the one who pushed you away to cutting all ties with me.  i guess i did grab all the things i needed to burn the bridge up.  only to not be able to ignite it.  and with you seeing that i armed the bridge between us, you figured why not just end it as it is.  and so you lit it up.  no more bridge there.  all i wanted to do was to make you see what you did.  why you hurted and how deeply is was.  but i guess in the end, i was the one to get hurt always.  and i always do this to myself.  i am weak.  i'm just not as strong as i thought i was.