this whole weekend had been a drunken mess!! i mean, i don't think i was ever really sober! and i think i've been drinking way too much! and then there's the smoking...omg, i smoked so much over the weekend. i know i'm supposed to be have quit, but omg, when it comes to the drinking, i need it. i feel like crap! lungs are hurting!!!! my liver isn't feeling so well either. but i did have a very good weekend even though i was so tired and drunk.
these dreams are confusing me and making me feel strange. i hate it. i keep dreaming about Him. they only started coming when he came back. i don't need this. i'm suppose to be fine with all of this. i wish i could open up and just tell someone. it's so hard. and things just keeps getting more and more complicated. i want to be fine, i want this to just go away. i want him to leave, but then again, i don't want him to ever go. a great friend he is. i need the distance like all the time. and i suppose She doesn't help me either. but i will be okay. i know i will.
aside all that bull!!! i want to start saving for my passport, go to florida for my birthday next year, seeing that i can't do it this year in a few weeks. fatty wants to go to cali to see his sister, brother in law and his nieces. i suppose we can do that in the winter. but i need to start saving!!! i have way too much going on in my little head of mine, i'm starting to think that i won't be able to achieve anything!!! argh!!!
okay i need to get off and get ready for work and make lunch. or else i'm going to be late!
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